I hope you know I honestly always look forward to reading your work on Fridays (although admittedly I am reading this on a Sunday night because Friday was a bit rushed and I like to settle down to read these and linger over them). Lots of thoughts swirling after reading this piece, but tonight we sang a line at church- “two wonders here that I confess: my worth and my unworthiness…” Maybe there is something in the way we are designed that creates a tension because both are true. At worst our sense of worth/unworthiness becomes distorted. But at best it liberates us.
There’s a quote on humility that I really like-“it’s not about thinking less of yourself, it’s about thinking of yourself less”. I can only aspire!!
Laura, thank you so much for this. I am actually quite moved when someone says they look forward to reading my writing and that they even clear space to read what I've written! I know exactly the song you are referring to and I've often mulled over what exactly those words mean and how worth and unworthiness can both be wonders. I've been very conscious recently about the lack of self-worth that many in the world feel and where they choose to find worth, often in very temporal things. Even in our churches, identity and self-worth can be tied up with roles and positions. It's so hard to step aside from all the worldly definitions and find worth in higher things... Anyway, I could talk all day on this. Thank you again for your lovely comment.
Your post is thought provoking. Reminds me of Henri Nouwen who says that often we equate our identity with what we do, with what we have, and with what other people say about us.
Therefore, for many: “I AM what I do.” “I AM what I have.” And “I AM what other people say
about me.” Surprisingly, here one believes that one’s self-worth and self-dignity come from
external factors. And, of course, our self worth should be an internal project. Jeez, I am so good on the theory. In practice, not quite so accomplished. A work in progress, for sure.
This all makes perfect sense (Henri knew what he was talking about!) and is exactly how I tend to validate myself i.e. via what others think of me. I would agree that I understand in theory that I am doing this and don't want to validate myself in this way but it is very very hard not to....
Excellent piece as always Deborah. The conclusion I'm taking from this is before we get to the "success" part, we need to sort out that validation piece first! Your articles are what make Fridays great - Thank you for sharing your talent.
Thank you for this Sharon. I think I’ve a lot more to unpick around validation as to how it links to success. I guess we have to decide first what our success looks like ourselves rather than what others say it is. Being validated by other people’s idea of success is where many people end up losing their self-worth. Glad you enjoy reading my pieces!
This post really resonated with me Deborah, I know the hustle for self-worth and for me it’s usually tied up with doing or achieving something and there is often a personal cost. Knowing your worth in this world, connecting with others or feeling part of something can feel amazing but as you say, it has to be in a way which works for you! I love your perspectives on life that you so elegantly convey in your writing. I hope this comment is just the cherry on top, the cake is how you feel about it!
Thank you Elaine. Getting comments to know something resonates makes it all worthwhile! Thank you, you have been a great supporter of my writing. I wish we could all have intrinsic self-worth and not attach it to achievement but it’s so hard. It really is natural to want to be valued and recognised ...
I love receiving your email every Friday afternoon. It's like a little treat to kick off the weekend. Your articles are always so relatable and fun to read so thank you for putting in the time and effort to create a Friday afternoon delight!
I hope you know I honestly always look forward to reading your work on Fridays (although admittedly I am reading this on a Sunday night because Friday was a bit rushed and I like to settle down to read these and linger over them). Lots of thoughts swirling after reading this piece, but tonight we sang a line at church- “two wonders here that I confess: my worth and my unworthiness…” Maybe there is something in the way we are designed that creates a tension because both are true. At worst our sense of worth/unworthiness becomes distorted. But at best it liberates us.
There’s a quote on humility that I really like-“it’s not about thinking less of yourself, it’s about thinking of yourself less”. I can only aspire!!
Thankyou for sharing your writing 💛
Laura, thank you so much for this. I am actually quite moved when someone says they look forward to reading my writing and that they even clear space to read what I've written! I know exactly the song you are referring to and I've often mulled over what exactly those words mean and how worth and unworthiness can both be wonders. I've been very conscious recently about the lack of self-worth that many in the world feel and where they choose to find worth, often in very temporal things. Even in our churches, identity and self-worth can be tied up with roles and positions. It's so hard to step aside from all the worldly definitions and find worth in higher things... Anyway, I could talk all day on this. Thank you again for your lovely comment.
Your post is thought provoking. Reminds me of Henri Nouwen who says that often we equate our identity with what we do, with what we have, and with what other people say about us.
Therefore, for many: “I AM what I do.” “I AM what I have.” And “I AM what other people say
about me.” Surprisingly, here one believes that one’s self-worth and self-dignity come from
external factors. And, of course, our self worth should be an internal project. Jeez, I am so good on the theory. In practice, not quite so accomplished. A work in progress, for sure.
This all makes perfect sense (Henri knew what he was talking about!) and is exactly how I tend to validate myself i.e. via what others think of me. I would agree that I understand in theory that I am doing this and don't want to validate myself in this way but it is very very hard not to....
Oof, that last paragraph. Love this piece.
Thank you for this! Hope all well with you.
Excellent piece as always Deborah. The conclusion I'm taking from this is before we get to the "success" part, we need to sort out that validation piece first! Your articles are what make Fridays great - Thank you for sharing your talent.
Thank you for this Sharon. I think I’ve a lot more to unpick around validation as to how it links to success. I guess we have to decide first what our success looks like ourselves rather than what others say it is. Being validated by other people’s idea of success is where many people end up losing their self-worth. Glad you enjoy reading my pieces!
This post really resonated with me Deborah, I know the hustle for self-worth and for me it’s usually tied up with doing or achieving something and there is often a personal cost. Knowing your worth in this world, connecting with others or feeling part of something can feel amazing but as you say, it has to be in a way which works for you! I love your perspectives on life that you so elegantly convey in your writing. I hope this comment is just the cherry on top, the cake is how you feel about it!
Thank you Elaine. Getting comments to know something resonates makes it all worthwhile! Thank you, you have been a great supporter of my writing. I wish we could all have intrinsic self-worth and not attach it to achievement but it’s so hard. It really is natural to want to be valued and recognised ...
I do too and agree it’s hard. X
I love receiving your email every Friday afternoon. It's like a little treat to kick off the weekend. Your articles are always so relatable and fun to read so thank you for putting in the time and effort to create a Friday afternoon delight!
This is so kind Karen and I am delighted to hear this about Friday afternoons!