Days Like This Monthly Newsletter December 23 - The Season Of Compromise?
Yesterday, Sunday 3 December was the first day of Advent. You may already know this but I’m not sure I was that clued in to the fact that because Advent begins on the fourth Sunday before Christmas, not only does the date it starts vary from year to year, but its length also varies. It is not quite as simple as the Advent calendars we buy each year where there are always 24 days, and we start eating the chocolates or drinking the miniature gins or applying the tiny pots of blusher on 1 December.
This year, Advent only lasts 22 days. All four Advent Sundays fall in December. Advent which marks the period of anticipation and preparation leading up to the celebration of Jesus’ birth, finishes as usual on Christmas Eve which also happens to be a Sunday. In my church, we light the four Advent candles representing hope, peace, joy and love on the four Sundays before Christmas Day. Yesterday, the first one, hope, was lit. I watched the minister do some preparations with the lady who would light it. He showed her which candle to light, what to light it with. When the moment arrived and he introduced her, he said, “Margaret, tell us, how many Christmases have you enjoyed?”. “97,” she replied. My husband turned to me and whispered, “Deborah, tell us, how many Christmases have you enjoyed?”. He wasn’t commenting on my age even though I have a few Christmases under my belt, but rather the concept of enjoying Christmas. Much of our conversation in December revolves around figuring out when we can enjoy it because for me, the start of Advent can often feel like the start of the compromising season. I don’t feel magic when I’m trying to balance the needs of so many different people. When we prepare one meal on 25 December, then pack up the car to drive fifty miles to prepare another one on 26 December, I can often only feel exhaustion. Last night, I shared a quote from that great philosopher, Motsi Mabuse on my Instagram. When asked what was top of her Christmas Wishlist this year, she said “To go somewhere and do absolutely nothing”.
It almost takes an element of selfishness and a steadfast resolve not to feel guilty when it comes to removing obligations at Christmas and replacing them with pleasures. This year, I am trying my best. I am going to see Wonka at The Avenue cinema and The Holiday at the Queen’s Film Theatre. I will listen to the Ulster Orchestra play Christmas music by candlelight. I’ll go to the unmissable Northern Ireland Chamber Carol Service at St Anne’s Cathedral in Belfast. I’ll be with my church family at our Nine Lessons and Carols on the third Sunday in Advent. These are what I plan to enjoy at Christmas!
I also wanted to share this piece with you called The Twelve Don’ts Of Christmas which I wrote two Christmases ago in 2021. It was the first vaguely normal Christmas after we’d had the very strange pandemic Christmas of 2020. Suddenly, we were allowed to do things again, but I realised I had enjoyed Christmas 2020. It was smaller, quieter, simpler. A lot of the social and familial pressures were removed. I wanted to capture some of Christmas 2020 going forward. It has been good for me to reread this to check whether I have slipped into festive tables or thoughtful gifts…
So, how you are feeling about Christmas? Are you planning to enjoy it? Let me know in the comments!
So, what have I been writing about?
One of the things I am glad about as we reach Advent is that my husband’s work travel is now complete for this year. It almost felt like Christmas had arrived early when we got to the end of November, and he was back home from his latest travel with no plans to be out of the country again until the New Year. November was a tricky month. He was away for two working weeks, took fourteen flights and experienced 23 degrees in Barcelona to -7 degrees in Gdańsk. I have decided not to reread my writing from this past month as I may have bemoaned his absence a bit too much. Solo parenting can be hard going. I tend to be consumed by baskets of laundry. I had an actual meltdown.
(P.S. as usual, I suggest reading to the bottom of this newsletter and then coming back and clicking on any links to writing that interest you).
There’s A Hole In My Bucket – Why It’s Important That Work Is Not Everything
Can You Claim Motherhood As An Identity?
Do We All Have A Problem With Commitment?
Would You Like A Slice Of Presbyterian Cake?
What else have I been up to?
Bitesize Chunks of Faith Podcast
It was a real privilege to be invited on to church leader Jono Pierce’s podcast to talk about my life. Plus, I was delighted he called me a writer and said I was funny!! Jono started his podcast during the pandemic to mainly ask the question - ever wondered how having a Christian faith might impact your everyday life and can it bring hope and meaning and purpose?
You can listen to the episode I guest on at Episode 139 The Deborah Sloan Interview but do subscribe to listen each week as Jono has a really great mix of interesting guests and personal insights from his own life and experiences.
Thoughts for the Day…
In my last newsletter, I shared the first two Thoughts for the Day from my four-week stint on BBC Radio Ulster. Here are the final two…
What defines the course of your life?
What am I planning to read in December?
December 27th is always my favourite day of the year as that’s when I feel I can enjoy a decent rest for a few days. I love having nothing in the diary until the start of the New Year so I can devote myself entirely to my reading pile and so because of that extra reading time I am hoping to have later this month, I have a slightly bigger pile than usual for December – six books in total!
What else is happening?
Pop-Up Book Clubs
Just a reminder that the next Pop-Up Book Club will be on 21 March 2024 (it’s a while away but do put in your diary). Originally, I had been thinking Maeve Binchy’s Circle of Friends but over 700 pages is just not sitting well with me and so I’ve decided instead that it will be this book So Late in the Day by Claire Keegan, a mere 47 pages. Please note I have flicked through this and there is some offensive language in it so do be careful if you are buying Christmas presents!
What am I enjoying?
Something to listen to…
This is another podcast recommendation. If you like discovering books, you’ll enjoy listening to BBC Radio 4’s A Good Read. It is always less than half-an-hour long and each week, Harriett Gilbert and her two guests pick a favourite book each. There are currently 658 episodes to catch up on!
Something to read…
I found this an interesting article in The Guardian about how we became obsessed with wellness. I’d be keen to hear your thoughts on this idea that wellness has replaced religion!
Something to watch…
Series 2 of The Newsreader is excellent as is Series 1 if you haven’t watched it yet…
Deborah’s list
For those who aren’t yet familiar with this, Deborah’s list is five recommendations/enjoyments/pleasures from the month that’s been and gone. I look back through my camera roll and find five things that have made me feel good. This month, we have my Dr Hauschka spruce warming bath essence which makes my house smell like a pine forest, my new Helen Moore faux fur pom pom keyring so I can always find my keys in my bag, the beautiful mix of red and green as my Japanese maple dropped its leaves for another year, my Zara green trousers which I brought out after a long time in hibernation and the low-level red-spectrum lighting on my local Greenway which both protects the wildlife and allows me to continue walking on these dark nights.
And that’s it for the festive/compromising/Advent season. Please do get in touch if there is anything in this newsletter that has resonated with you. You can reach me at contact@deborahsloan.co.uk.
May I take this opportunity to thank you for reading my writing this year. I really do appreciate every like, comment and sharing of my work. Can I also wish you a peaceful and restful Christmas.
Love, Deborah
Wow Deborah you are a busy woman. Fair play! A lot to digest here and useful stuff to refer to. Will reread and use. Christmas can be heavy going. Personally I have become better with age and also as my kids have gotten older. It becomes different the whole Christmas performance thing. Priorites change i think. Cheers for your insights as always. x