Days Like This Monthly Newsletter April 23
First of all, an apology for lack of creativity due to my time-poorness. For anyone who has switched over from Mailchimp, this newsletter will look quite similar to the last email newsletter you received from me earlier this week. I am feeling a little short of time to write a completely new one as I am heading off on a 7am flight to Krakow tomorrow morning and am already trying to figure out how to fit all my clothes and necessities into a small cabin bag, organise four children, deal with the last day of term activities, clear out all the half-eaten food from the fridge, manage the 120 mile round-trip to get the dog dispatched to his grandparents etc etc. I will however report back on this trip in my next newsletter.
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Let’s talk about success…
As I sent out my last traditional email newsletter this week and moved fully over to Substack, I did a little bit of thinking about success and my journey since I sent out my first newsletter in January 2022. At that point, I was very much in a transitional phase in my life. I was still on a career break and hadn’t quite made the massive decision to resign from my job. I was dealing with all sorts of identity crises - not sure who I was, where I wanted to be and whether I had the courage to go there. As I reflect on where I am now, I would say my biggest learning has been re-defining what success looks like and understanding how much we tie our worth to our visibility. When I worked in a large organisation, success could be easily measured – an event, an award, a promotion, an endorsement, a pat on the back. I became enmeshed in an illusion, waiting for the next validation that would evidence that I was seen and prove my worth. But waiting for those titbits of success can make us miserable, constantly craving the next bit of approval. Success for me now is quite different. It means freedom to do what I want to do, write what I want to write, organise my day as I choose, having time and space to enjoy exercise, fresh air, family, friendships and definitely having no Sunday night dread!
Of course, the small successes still matter, and I have been grateful for every person who has taken the time to contact me, to say that my writing has made a difference to them, who has subscribed, liked, appreciated, commented, shared and put my writing out a little bit more into the world. Thank you!
What have I been writing about recently?
Alongside reflecting on success, the third anniversary of the first lockdown this month prompted me to reflect on loss, both our individual and collective losses as a result of the pandemic. I have written about how all our losses matter in this piece about taking a trip to Amsterdam and The Hague with Ella, my number three daughter whose twelfth birthday was on the same day that we went into lockdown in 2020.
After Children, There Is Marriage Again - in this, I consider whether there comes a time when children grow up and you discover that you have to pick up the pieces of your marriage again?
The Dead Dog - in this, I talk about the devastating impact of losing a pet.
On International Women’s Day, I Cleared Out My Shoes - in this, I reflect again on my decreasing visibility, confidence and how life has changed for me over the last year.
Girl, Put Your Records On, Tell Me Your Favourite Song… sometimes we need to indulge in a bit of nostalgia and this is about meeting up with an old school friend, being reminded of good and innocent times and all the mix tapes she used to make for me!
What’s coming up? … Pop Up Book Club – Judy Blume And The Adolescent Years (27 April)
On Thursday 27 April (7pm – 9pm), I will be running a pop up book club in East Belfast specifically focusing on the books of Judy Blume. There will be nibbles and a glass of something chilled! Judy Blume was one of my favourite authors when I was growing up and she is everywhere this spring. A documentary Judy Blume Forever about her life will be released in mid-April and the much-anticipated film version of Are You There God? It’s Me, Margaret will be in cinemas in May.
You can find out more information and sign up to come along at…
This will be a great opportunity to chat books and meet some new people! Please do get in touch if you’d like to come along but are anxious about coming on your own.
What am I enjoying?
Something to watch…
Continuing on the theme of success and I realise I am a bit late to the party with this one (seeing as it’s been available for at least three years) but I only got round to watching Miss Americana, the documentary about Taylor Swift recently. There is much in this about the negative impact of success and as Taylor dithered and eventually pressed a button to send a controversial tweet out to her billions of followers, I was reminded (obviously on a much smaller scale) of how I feel every time I send some writing out into the world!
Something to read…
I’m going to recommend two books this month – a short read and a long read…
Having enjoyed both Foster and Small Things Like These, the short read is another Claire Keegan novella The Forester’s Daughter. This is a devastating read about what we might choose to settle for and how it can slowly kill us.
The long read is an American classic, written in 1943, although it may be a classic you have never heard of as it was a one-hit wonder for its author Betty Smith. A Tree Grows In Brooklyn tells the story of an Irish immigrant family living in poverty in early 20th century Brooklyn. For me, it was a book you could curl up on a Sunday afternoon with and get lost in. This article may give some sense of what it’s about.
Something to listen to…
By now, you will probably know I am a huge fan of Desert Island Discs and this episode with the comedian Robert Webb is (in my opinion) a must-listen. It seems comedy and tragedy can walk very closely together.
Thank you once again for supporting me on Substack. I hope you enjoyed reading this! I always love to hear from people so feel free to get in touch/comment/like if something resonated with you.
Happy Friday! Deborah
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